I’m sitting here in the dark, early in the morning. The house is extremely quiet except for the heavy breathing of my husband sleeping upstairs. I’m praying. I’m thanking God for all his goodness toward me and my mind starts to dart from one thought to another. So, I purposefully reign it back in and get back to this one way conversation I’m having with the Lord. I plan to be quiet and allow him to speak to me, but right now my heart is bursting with gratitude and I must express it. And all of a sudden thoughts flood my mind with things in my past; stupid, careless things I’ve done and the most fearful feeling comes over me as if I’m right back there in the moment; as if I were somehow re-living that event. I actually hold my breath for a few seconds and then release it and begin to thank God for his protection. Again, my mind is overwhelmed with just snippets, fleeting little pictures of past events, spinning through my head one after another. And I’m stunned. I’m in awe. I’m so humbled that the God that created the universe, the one that created me has protected me all my life from me!! Oh, He has protected me in automobile accidents; his angels have interrupted attempts to take my life; he has protected me when I was threatened by strangers that meant me harm, but as incredible as those interventions were, none were and are so impressive as the protection God has provided for me from “me”.
I know that when sin is forgiven it is never remembered by God. He removes it completely. If and when the memory of that sin comes to my mind, I know it is not God reminding me of that, it is my doing or my enemy. I truly believe that God can heal our minds to the point that the ugliness of our past actions can become so faint and vague that we find it hard to recall the details and possibly forget it altogether. But I’m grateful this morning to have encountered the memory of some of my past. The physical responses and emotional reaction to these memories are not so comfortable. It’s actually very unsettling. Why? Because I realize had it not been for a God that would place value on my life, I wouldn’t be alive today to tell you about how good He’s been to me. God has had a plan for my life that began before my conception. He didn’t allow my poor choices, my stupidity, and my reckless decisions to derail those plans. He protected me from “me”. Just like any good parent, he corrected me along the way and showed me where I was missing the mark. He pointed me in the right direction and then gave me the encouragement and prodding needed to acknowledge my failings and move beyond them.
I finally stopped this re-hashing of old memories and ended them with my eyes flooding with tears and my heart bursting with enormous gratitude. It was such as release. I felt my shoulders ease back into place, exhaling what seemed like air from a swimmer that had been underwater far too long. I felt the tension running out of my body like the current of swiftly moving water. My body felt like it was recovering from some sort of crisis! And all of a sudden I heard Him. I heard Him speaking to me. It was as soft and inviting as a young child that comes to you wanting your caresses and warmth. The things he spoke to me were just for and to me. They were comforting and reassuring. They were affirmations that only he could give, as NO ONE knows me like He. He’s the only one I’ve ever been completely honest with about “me”. Why? I’m laughing to myself as I write this. Why? Because He already knows it anyway!!! It’s wonderful to have just one person that knows me, gets me and still loves me. He still wants me to complete the plan. He still trusts me to walk out His best design for my life.
I get up VERY early every morning just so that I can meditate, pray, read and invest in myself with things like exercise and mind renewal. It has proved to be the single best thing I do all day. But it’s also the most difficult to do. This “hour of power” as I call it (20 min meditating/prayer, 20 min reading, 20 exercise, which is actual 40 min) requires much discipline. Quite frankly depending on how much sleep I got the night before or even past few nights, what family dynamics are taking place and how I feel physically, my level of success during this “hour of power” can be greatly affected!
But I want to tell you it is worth EVERY. SINGLE. MINUTE!!! It is helping me live my best life now…not tomorrow, not next week…NOW! I want to encourage you to develop a time (one that fits your schedule best), preferably sometime before your day begins, to invest in yourself. God has great plans for you. It doesn’t matter that you’ve got a past! Who doesn't!!?? It doesn’t matter that you’ve done things you’re not proud of. We all have! If you are determined to find out what that plan is and desire to walk in it, God will not allow you or anyone else to scuttle that plan! He will protect you, He will correct you and He will promote you! Fear and quilt are not from God..he is Love and Light and He will always deal with you from that position. His love is honest, his love corrects and His light will illuminate and reveal things to you and then guide you.
Start living your best life now by allowing God to protect you from “you” and start giving Him some time to speak to you like no one else can! He’s waiting on you!!!
Comentarios