I often refer to us Living our Best Life Now and yet now, May of 2020, I hear of so many saying this is a very hard thing to do. We remain under the threat of a pandemic and now our own country, the United States of America, is imploding with riots in almost every major city as a result of a white police officer killing an African American man while arresting him.
I feel compelled to write this at this time after hearing a sermon by our Pastor a few weeks ago. I often tell my coaching clients that “things never stay the same”. I’ve always said that as a positive reminder that whatever our current circumstances, no matter how bleak……things WILL change. Of course if you’ve lived long enough you know that things can also change for the worse. But in this blog, I want to remind us that no matter how things change and what our circumstances become, we can gain and maintain an emotional stability that can positively help us navigate uncharted territories!
I want to use this space to share some ideas that I think can help us all as we experience uncertainties and strife to Live Our Best Life Now!!
6 Things We Need to Remember:
Great achievements. Our giftings/talent/abilities and how we’ve used them to accomplish things and help others do the same. Recalling these moments is not for boasting or out of check pride, but as an encouragement to continue to engage in worthy activities that bring about positive outcomes.
The process. Recalling the “how” in our successes and failures helps us manage a better process in future endeavors. Knowing what worked best and what was a hinderance is invaluable knowledge in order to avoid unnecessary mistakes and failures in the future.
People. All through life we encounter individuals that mentor us, support us and love us. We also encounter people that live a life that inspires us because they manage to “Live Their Best Life Now” in spite of obstacles and circumstances that would otherwise hinder anyone else. Remembering the way they walked through life is an education in it’s self.
Wise Advice and Counsel. It may have come from our parents, an older sibling, a teacher, pastor or a good friend. But some wisdom comes from unexpected places such as a stranger in line at the grocery store or person sitting next to you on a plane. I have to say, I’ve relied heavily on the Word of God for wisdom and godly people that have been placed in my life. This wisdom helps me make good choices!
Elements of Our Failures. It’s not productive to rehash our failures but recalling the elements that contributed to them can help us acknowledge anything on our part that could have been avoided as well as any other factors that prevented our success. Learn from your mistakes.
The Fruit of Good Relationships. By opening ourselves up to the possibilities of pain and disappointment in relationships, we also allow ourselves the privilege of experiencing the fruit of these relationships….the good things that people bring to our lives….such as joy, laughter, belonging, love, caring and deeper meaning in and of life. Embracing these relationships and their fruit provides stability in scary situations.
6 Things To Put Away:
Toxic Emotions and Thoughts. Thoughts and emotions surrounding painful life events can become toxic and detrimental to achieving our life goals. While we may never fully forget these events, we can control and put away the thoughts and emotions that were apart of them. Continuing to dwell on toxic thoughts that influence our emotions will also continue to dramatize the event itself. We need to put these away and adopt the thoughts and emotional responses that will help fuel success rather than postpone or negate it.
2. Toxic Relationships. Relationships that continually cause strife and pain need to be evaluated. Depending
on the person or persons involved, certain boundaries need to be established and observed.
Avoid being the one that induces the strife but offer to be the peacemaker.
If you’ve done all you can to encourage healthy and stable relationships and they continue to go south, at
least for a time….put them away!
3. Pride, Prejudices, & Un-forgiveness. An old proverb and the Bible says “Pride goes before a fall”. It
keeps us from seeing our weaknesses and the areas we need to improve. Prejudice is the brother of
pride. We can NEVER think we are superior to anyone if we want to live a life that is satisfying and
complete. Un-forgiveness is a cancer that will only cause you dis-ease, not the person in need of
forgiveness. If you want to move from pain to pleasure, failure to success and less to Best, forgiveness is an
absolute necessity!
4. Jealousy and Insecurity. Unmerited jealousy (circumstances that have no “real” or factual reason), such as
another attractive female walking into a room and turning heads, is an indication there are some
underlying insecurities in a person. These two, jealousy and insecurity, walk hand in hand and can destroy
relationships and cause needless trust issues and pain for other people.
Focus on your uniqueness and all the exceptional qualities you possess. Work to increase your emotional
intelligence, identify weaknesses and seek avenues to improve them. Applaud others and their abilities,
keep negativity in check and seek to improve yourself rather than taking pleasure in criticizing a
person that has really done nothing other than just being themselves.
5. Unreasonable Self Accountability. Often people hold themselves to a level of accountability that they
would never do so for others. Just as it’s unfair to hold others to ridiculous and unrealistic expectations,
we many times place ourselves under the same unfair notions that cause us unnecessary stress and anxiety.
Always evaluate your goals and plans. Make sure they line up with what you want to accomplish in
life. Are you requiring things of yourself that make you unhappy? If it’s not necessary and it’s just busy
work in order to check off your list, then give yourself permission to put it away.
6. Should’s and Ought To’s. This way of thinking is often associated with #5. Often people find themselves
obligated to do things because they think they “should” or “ought to”. Quilt is many times at the back of this
kind of thinking. We think that if we don’t or do something that is associated with an “ought” or “should”,
we will be disappointing someone or even ourselves. I lived most of my life like this because my upbringing
was such that it required me to put aside my own happiness and needs/wants in order to please others.
Anytime you catch yourself thinking or saying “I ought” or “I should”, stop and examine why? If it’s simply
to appease someone at the risk of causing you anxiety and pressures of time, it may be something you need
to put away. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to please someone, but not at the risk of it becoming a
situation where that person begins to assume you’ll continue to do so to the point of manipulation. Adopt
a different approach and rather than “I should”, consider “I want to”…..because I choose to.
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