First, let’s begin by defining Social Cues. Social cues are symbols expressed through body language, tone, or words that are intended to send a message from one person to another. They can be direct or indirect forms of communication that help guide interactions between two or more people.
Processing and decoding social cues is an important part of human interaction and therefore a critical skill for good communication and relating to people on a daily basis. Some individuals have mastered the art of using and understanding Social Cues while others find it quite difficult. People with psychological disorders, those that have autism and even people that struggle with ADHD and social anxiety, tend to have difficulty especially in the area of interpreting Social Cues of others. While they are not always aware of their own Social Cues, understanding the Social Cues of others can be very problematic and may be the source of much anxiety and frustration when trying to communicate.
Because we communicate with people on a daily basis and knowing that communication is the key to good relationships, understanding Social Cues is a skill that we all need to develop. Although research has found that the average person speaks approximately 7,000 words per day, 60-90% of all communication is non-verbal! So, it is very important to not only hear and understand what a person is saying, but pay attention to how they are saying it!
Social Cues come in the form of facial expressions, body language, tone of voice, personal space and boundaries. Let me give you some examples of facial and vocal cues:
Jaw dropping, as in surprised or aggravated
Squinting eyes or rolling eyes
Clearing throat in an unusual tone or repeatedly doing so
Fake smiling or sarcastic smile
Avoiding eye contact
Vocal pitch higher than usual or unpleasant curt tone
Agrees before person is finished speaking or sudden silence
Here are some examples of body cues:
Arms are crossed
Person backs away
Looking the other direction or just over or behind you
Constantly looking at their device i.e. phone, watch, etc.
Slumped posture
Shaking head in a quick fashion as to indicate “hurry up”.
Fidgeting
If you’ve ever encountered a person that is clueless about picking up on social cues, you know how uncomfortable it makes you and others while trying to communicate. It is totally possible to improve your understanding of Social Cues and learn the art of picking up on cues with anyone to whom you speak. Here are a few suggestions to develop the skill of using good Social Cues:
Practice making eye contact throughout your conversations.
Keep your attention focused
Take note of the other person’s pitch and tone of voice as well as inflections.
Pay attention to body language while listening for other cues.
When you notice cues of frustration such as those listed above, get to your point and pause for their contribution to the conversation.
Once verbal or non verbal cues are given, stop and ask them a question or their opinion. Their response should clue you in to their interest or lack thereof, in what you are saying.
When someone has give obvious cues, graciously back out of their personal space and quickly make an end to the conversation. Thank them for listening.
People that are tiring of the conversation or that have no interest in what you are saying, will appreciate you picking up on their cues and not forcing them to resort to rudeness. Once the situation concludes, it is always good to take inventory of what was said and your own behavior to determine if you are doing or saying something in a way that is offensive or irritating. Being honest with yourself or even daring to ask a close friend to give constructive criticism, can help you improve your own social cues and form of communication. Improvement in these areas will endear more people to you and make for more enjoyable conversations in the future. To live your best life now, strive to improve your understanding of Social Cues and work to improve your own skills in communication. You’ll find a broader array of willing participants that enjoy your company!!!
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