There are many reasons that a person might experience grief:
~Death of a loved one or close friend.
~Divorce..losing hopes of future plans, broken family, children experiencing sadness
~Loss of friendship or any signifiant relationship
~Loss of job…stress for lack of income, a meaningful career
~Loss of a pet…loss of companionship, years of fun and memories
~Life events such as a home fire, losing sentimental items, automobile accident causing temporary or permanent loss of ability, work, health, income, etc.
~Health issues…loss of ability to live a normal life or a loved one effected by such.
It is normal to grieve when we suffer traumatic loss. I probably haven’t listed all that could be considered reasons for grief, but just know that grief is a normal response to loss. Not everyone grieves in the same manner. So, it is very important to hold judgements and criticism of those that are grieving.
The time period for grieving is also different for individuals. Depending on your coping mechanisms in place at the time of the event and your ability to acknowledge and work through your grief, will all determine the time spent grieving. It is also not uncommon to get to the stage of acceptance and then suddenly return to an earlier stage of grief. The main thing to know is that grief is our body’s way of coping and healing in times of great loss.
It is pretty widely accepted that there are five main stages of grief. A person may experience all five stages or only one to three of them….or none of them. These stages are not necessarily experienced in the order I am going to list them, but often people do move through these stages as I am presenting below.
Denial
Denial helps us minimize the overwhelming pain of our loss. As we process the reality of this loss, we are trying to survive emotional pain. It’s hard to believe we have suffered such a loss. We don’t expect this kind of loss and it wasn’t on our radar. We are shocked and in disbelief.
Our reality has completely shifted due to this loss. It takes our mind some time to adjust to this new reality. We keep reflecting on where we were just before this happened and how we will move forward from here.
Because there is a lot of painful information to process, denial attempts to slow this down and take us through it one step at a time.
Denial is an attempt to not acknowledge what just occurred. It is a temporary deviation from reality that helps us slowly process what has happened.
Anger
It is common to experience anger after a traumatic loss. As we are adjusting to our new reality we usually experience some extreme emotional discomfort. Anger tends to be more socially acceptable than a person acknowledging they are afraid. Anger allows an expression with less fear of judgment or rejection. Although anger is often the first emotion a person experiences in moments of extreme loss, it can leave you feeling isolated and perceived as unapproachable by others. This sometimes this emotion denies us the comfort we need from those that are willing to offer it.
Bargaining
There are many ways we bargain. They often come in the form of making promises to God if he will just change this. We promise to be a better person, promise to never do certain things again, or just promise anything we can think of if this situation can just be reversed.
In our bargaining, we realize that we are human and unable to change these events and look to God to do what we cannot. Bargaining also tends to make us look at our faults and regrets. Bargaining is our attempt to try and control the event and assume the belief that we have something to offer in exchange for what God can do.
Depression
During our processing of grief, there comes a time when things calm down and we start to look at the reality of our present situation. Bargaining is no longer an option and we are faced with what has happened.
The panic begins to subside, our emotions begin to level, and our mind begins to wrap itself around the reality of what has happened. As we head into this phase of grief, we tend to turn inward and desire the company of no one but ourselves. Although our thoughts become more aware and accepting, we tend to want to isolate and become fixated on this new reality.
Acceptance
When we come to a place of acceptance, we are no longer trying to change the situation through bargaining or wrestling with the extreme emotions of anger, even though we may still be feeling some forms of pain. We begin to see there is life and living beyond this point. We look around and see reasons for moving forward. We may still feel guilty at times for enjoying small things, but see the necessity of pressing on.
The familydoctor.org explains some of the symptoms people experience while grieving:
Grief is different for everyone. It can include many emotional and physical symptoms, including:
Feelings: Anger, anxiety, blame, confusion, denial, depression, fear, guilt, irritability, loneliness, numbness, relief, sadness, shock, or yearning.
Thoughts: Confusion, difficulty concentrating, disbelief, hallucinations, or preoccupation with what was lost.
Physical sensations: Dizziness, fast heartbeat, fatigue, headaches, hyperventilating, nausea or upset stomach, shortness of breath, tightness or heaviness in the throat or chest, or weight loss or gain.
Behaviors: Crying spells, excessive activity, irritability or aggression, loss of energy, loss of interest in enjoyable activities, restlessness, or trouble sleeping.
Here are some suggestions to help you effectively cope with grief:
Get enough sleep, eat a well-balanced diet, and exercise regularly.
Express your feelings. Talk about how you’re feeling with others.
Maintain a routine. Get back into your normal routine as soon as you can.
Avoid drinking alcohol. Alcohol is a depressant that can affect your mood, so it could make you feel even more sad.
Avoid making major decisions. It takes time to adjust to a loss and get back to a normal state of mind. Making an impulsive decision as you’re grieving could add more stress at an already difficult time. Try to wait a year before making a big change, like moving or changing jobs.
Give yourself a break. Take breaks from grieving by participating in activities you enjoy. It’s okay to not feel sad all the time. It’s good for you to laugh.
Ask for help if you need it. You don’t have to struggle. Seek out friends, family, clergy, a counselor or therapist, or support groups. If your symptoms aren’t getting better or you feel like you need extra help, talk to your family doctor.
Grief does not have a timeline or set time to end. Some people are on their way to a normal life after only 6 months, while others navigate grief for a period of one to four years. Just remember, when grief begins to disrupt your daily life and you are unable to function and carry out daily routines, you may be experiencing depression that requires some outside help. Don’t be afraid to call for help, to reach out to a friend or your pastor.
Now, all I’ve written about is advice you will find from just about any counselor, therapist, doctor and grief specialist, but below is some good advice from the Word of God.
Paul says in 1 Thessalonians 4:13. “we don’t want you to be ignorant about those who sleep (who have died) so that you (Believer in Jesus) don’t grieve like people who have no hope”. So why do we not sorrow or grieve as others? Because when a follower of Christ leaves this world through death of their body, we have a hope about where they are and that they are more fully alive than ever. But what about other loses? I want to share scripture that can and does encourage me when I’ve experienced great loss:
Philippians 4
Matthew 6: 31-34, 7: 7-8,11; 10:26-32
Mark 11:22-24
Luke 6:38,45; 10:19-20
John 14, 15, 17; 16: 33
Romans 8:11, 26-39; 15:13
Psalm 147:3
Deuteronomy 31:8-9
Joshua 1:9-10
Psalm 23, 27, 34, 37, 46, 91, 119
1 Thessalonians 4:13-18
My list could go on and on. My point here is that having a relationship with Jesus Christ is the one thing that has made me steadfast through all the events that have brought grief to my life. There is hope in that relationship because of all the promises He has made me in His Word. I choose to believe those promises and because I do, I am encouraged in all circumstances.
You may wonder or be asking “what do you know about grief”? I’ll tell you….I’ve experienced the death of an 8 yr old brother through horrific circumstances, I experienced a very ugly divorce, I lost my mom (age 54) to Lou Gehrig’s disease, I temporarily lost my relationship with my only sister, I’ve lost very good friends to death, I’ve experienced the heartbreak of rejection and I’ve known what it is like to be so frightened and alone that I almost lost my way. All of us WILL face grief at some point in life. Working to be as healthy as possible, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually is your best insurance policy for grief!
To live your best life everyday, you will need to be able to navigate grief in a healthy manner! I pray that you will seek God in those times and rely on His faithfulness!
Kommentarer