From the time we are old enough to differentiate our specific relationships and understand language until we are at a ripe old age, we will experience disappointments. If you think about it, most of the disappointments we experience, surround and include people.
Disappointment is inevitable. It is as much apart of life as the “high’s” we experience. But I have good news! There is a way we can avoid those extreme pangs of disappointments, often followed by anger and sadness. The way we approach our relationships (all of them) and the expectations we have for each, can determine the level of intensity that we experience when people disappoint us.
Let me offer some “food for thought”:
Having and enforcing healthy boundaries in every relationship will set the perimeters for certain expectations for both parties. When people do things that make us feel violated and used, it is often because we have failed to establish boundaries or enforce them. When we are good stewards of our boundaries and learn to say “No” when appropriate, we automatically avoid potential disappointments. Some behaviors are just automatically “off the table” and we simply don’t have to deal with them.
Make sure your expectations of others are reasonable, realistic and not something we wouldn’t even consider for ourselves. The more intimate the relationship the more we tend to develop higher expectations. Often these expectations come from our own needs; they tend to stem from a place of inadequacy within ourselves. When expectations involve time and resources, we need to make sure they are realistic. Not everyone can “perform” under certain time constraints or possess the resources needed to do so. Lastly, is it fair to hold someone accountable for something we wouldn’t even expect of ourselves? Make sure to be reasonable and realistic with your expectations no matter the person.
After experiencing a disappointment with another person, get to a quiet place, alone and contemplate the situation. Ask yourself some questions: a. Was I realistic in my expectations? b. Was I reasonable about my expectation? c. Was this person capable of meeting my expectations? d. What have I not considered, that may have prevented this person from meeting my expectations? e. Did I violate their boundaries? f. Did I communicate my expectations or did I just assume they knew? g. Why did I have that expectation in the first place? Did it come from a place of inadequacy on my part? When you honestly evaluate all the answers to these questions, you will probably find a glaring reason for your disappointment, other than the fact that someone failed you.
Remember that no one can MAKE you feel any particular way! You are the author and keeper of your emotions and feelings. You determine what upsets you, what makes you angry and what makes you joyful. You can choose NOT to be disappointed. You can choose to extend mercy to those that disappointment, realizing you may have been unrealistic. Life is a choice. We make choices everyday and those choices are the reason we are where we are today. Try putting yourself in the other person’s place. View the situation through their eyes.
Daily walk in forgiveness. Even if you are legitimately slighted, forgive! Forgiveness is not for the other person…it’s for you! As long as you hold on to that situation, refusing to forgive, you risk that toxic emotion manifesting as dis-ease in your body. I’m convinced this is how many illnesses begin! Just like any other disappointment in life, you refuse to allow that to hold you back from continuing your pursuit of goals and dreams. Make the adjustment mentally. Refuse to dwell on the disappointment. If we would basically take the position that “no one owes us anything”, our ability to be offended and disappointed would be greatly diminished.
You may be thinking at this point, “but what if someone has really done something to betray me, cause disruption to my life or just basically treat me less than human”? These things DO happen. We CAN be temporarily be “set back” emotionally. People ARE capable of being the instigator of bad things. BUT….you still get to choose how you will handle that situation. You get to choose to either be a reactionary person, or a person that responds. Reacting is allowing that person to influence your decision to be hurt, angry and disappointed. But responding will require you to be thoughtful about the situation. You will have to contemplate events and not jump to the wrong conclusion. Responding will ask questions and answer them honestly. Responding will require you to stay in control of your emotions, passion and decisions, while you evaluate your own responsibility (if any) in this situation.
When people disappoint us, we have the opportunity to learn and grow from that experience or spend time rehearsing the situations. We can continue stirring our negative thoughts and emotions, orchestrating scenarios of reaction (that most of the time never happens), while we could have been directing all that negative energy toward something productive and creative. Purpose to not go through life looking for excuses to be upset and angry. Life is too short to expend time and energy on people and situations that do not add value to our lives. Blessings are abounding all around you. Choose to walk in those blessings. Invest in others. Forgive. Keep your eyes fixed on your goals! You’ll live your best life everyday when you choose to live beyond disappointment!
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